I guess it's a matter of general well-being. I do feel OK, but when summing up this summer I realize how far it is from what I expected it to be eight months ago. I separated from my boyfriend of three years, he moved to Brussels for an internship and I moved to Stockholm, all make-believe temporarily. The distance gave a new light to our differences and our new lives weren't so bad after all, so we split up over the phone in March, for the best but still very difficult to get over. I have a more than decent job and now I have my own place, but it's a place with loans and mortgages and all such adult s**t. I thought I'd be with him again by now, I thought we'd have grown back together. Instead I have by myself what I wanted for us. It's not really the same thing.
I had a friend here for a few days a month ago or so, and after she left she sent me this sms where she asked me how I actually felt, because she didn't quite recognize me. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I guess on a deeper level I'm quite far from where I used to be. I just hope things will settle and I will get comfortable in with my new life, even though I'm panicking over being 28 and single in Stockholm. I wanted to be 28 and cohabiting in Uppsala.
So I guess it's not that strange I'm not really getting my knitting mojo back. I see pretty stuff on blogs, but I don't think "I love it, what yarn should I get?" but "That would take ages to knit and when would I actually wear it?". I feel bad about my UFO's and I should be knitting a baby sweater for a dear friend who's having her first baby in just a few weeks and I don't feel like it but she expects it and I said I would do it. I have an almost finished Bayerische sock that's one centimeter too short but is only elongated by 4 centimeter pattern repeats. My needles are nowhere and everywhere. My stash is pathetic and consists of mostly half balls and scraps.
But I didn't log on to Blogger to whine, but to share with you this pretty beret
which actually seems like a reasonable project for someone like myself. (It was in desire of this object I realized my stash sucks, because I don't have anything I could use for this.)
Days like these there's really nothing to do but to listen to Rebecka Törnqvist and bake yourself something sweet.